Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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