so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
