oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
