Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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