Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
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