I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
