we have pet lesbian snakes
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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