$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I got inside last night via doggy door
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
