she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
