I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
