I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
