I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
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