remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
