just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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