Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
