is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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