he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
