We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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