You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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