I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Randomize
