i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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