why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
