Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
