VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
