Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
They took my balls.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
