I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
