Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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