Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
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