Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
