This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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