i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
