just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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