Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
