my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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