I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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