Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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