The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize