Got a toothbrush?
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
did i walk over a car last night?
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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