mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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