I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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