i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Randomize
