He uses pillows to masturbate.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize