I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
