took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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