Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
