Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
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