Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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