cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
