so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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