But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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