her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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