I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
