what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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