I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
