OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
