Betty ford says i'm here all night
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Randomize
