Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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