2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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