This is not my ceiling
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
