I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize