he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
