how can u be prego again
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Randomize
