In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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