Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
