3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
