Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
