Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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