So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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