Don't you send me to vm
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
