So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
