He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I DEMAND FORESKIN
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
