shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
