can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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