How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize