His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
