p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
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