also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I enjoy the company of your penis
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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